Summer Time And The Livin' Is Easy

This is the day my daughter, Mosey, gets to switch back from the Incredible Hulk to a sweet, likable teenage girl. School is out today. Yearbook signing, paying lost book fees, shouting "woohoo!," all those things are being repeated in school hallways around the city. I'm doing my own little woohoo too. Mosey dreads school. She will not say that. If you ask her she will tell you school is fine, but for the last three months she has been late almost every single day. There is a reason for that.

Mosey has theater classes that she adores and excels in, but her other subjects create a low grade dread and a high amount of stress. I don't know what her grades will be this term, but the topic is not up for discussion with Mosey. At her age, and with her particular personality, forcing school issues does nothing but create an immediate escalation of fear. Consequences for undone homework only lead to more undone homework. Discipline is not the issue here. As smart as Mosey is, academics triggers a deep fight, flight or freeze response in my girl.

As someone who did ok in school and was reasonably responsible about homework, it has been a huge learning curve having children who struggle to stay engaged in an academic setting. They are both quick and sassy, able to take a look what's in front of them with insight and logic. Neither likes to sit and write or study however. It's like a buzzer goes off in their brains after an hour and it keeps beeping until they get up and do something else.

If academics is not Mosey's thing, I'm ok with it. The thing that makes this whole situation hard is that Mosey is not ok with it.  I can't explain the dynamic except to say that she is happy out of school, stressed and miserable while in school, and yet Mosey thinks she should be pursuing an academic path after graduation.

I guess we all take our sweet time in discovering who we are and what we truly want to do. For those who don't have children at this age, let me tell you, standing back and letting your kids find their way is pretty damn hard. It's especially so for me because I grew up watching watching my mom function in the thrash/spiral-downward mode. Because she was mentally ill it never stopped. No lessons were ever learned, no progress ever made. So when anyone in my life does any thrashing at all I tend to freak out internally. My fear kicks in. My mind goes straight to all the possible outcomes with the word "misery" in them. This is not a good thing for a parent to do. What can I say? I'm working on it.

One more year and Mosey is out of the public school system. Yes, I look forward to that day more than she does I think. In the meantime sweet summer is here. Mosey has a job she loves and NO pressure. Under these circumstances, a delightful young woman emerges. She has a sense of humor and energy to do things. She is good company, talkative, cooperative, patient. Last spring, a mom - daughter weekend trip away from all the pressure of school gave me a glimpse of this exceptional young lady.  I'm glad she'll be back. I'm hoping the peaceful, laid back mom will be hanging out too. Good times.