BluTang On His Birthday

Yesterday was my son's birthday. I'll call him BluTang because he's a big fan of Wu Tang Clan, and has a very strong melancholy side to him. Blutang loves rap, but has a sense of humor about it. He loves to sing some of the more ridiculous lyrics from the genre. I never listen to any of it on the radio, so my first exposure to all rap hits are through BluTang's renditions. If I happen to hear the real version I'm usually disappointed. Blutang is way better. If all rap music were translated through him, I'd love it.  Lyrics so stupid and serious, are thrown out with a deadly dry humor that is irresistable. I swear when I am taking my last breaths, I'm going to call BluTang to my bedside and say, "sing 'Cash Rules Everything Around Me' again."

So BluTang turned 22 yesterday. The day before, we took him to lunch, and then, last night, had dinner at grandma and grandpa's house. BluTang was a good sport. He endured an hour of Mexican Train before he and his girlfriend took off. His girlfriend, (I'll call her, Idina, because my daughter thinks she looks like Idina Menzel, the Broadway star) is very competitive and was getting into the game a little. Likable girl this, Idina. I'm glad BluTang has someone like her in his life. Very glad.

When BluTang's birthday rolls around each year, I do the obnoxious mother thing and recite all the stories about him from his childhood. It drives him crazy I'm sure, but I'm hoping that as irritating as it is, it will help him remember those days, and send a strong message that he is, and always has been loved.

Sometimes Blutang breaks my heart because he doesn't know how really good and smart he is. He has grown out of the overwhelming shyness he had as a child, but I see a look in his eyes now and again--the one that is still searching for a weighty, solid sense that he is worthwhile. I believe he is gaining on that realization, although it does its best to stay just out of his reach.

Blutang has some holes that he has to dig himself out of right now. But I see the shovel flying. I'm hoping that the next step is to build a big beautiful structure, one that he can design, and put together from the ground up, one brick at a time. He has so many things going for him, including liking the movie, Annie Hall, like his mom, and loving to hike in the wilderness like his dad. But most of the amazing qualities in Blutang are his own in every way.

BluTang's big brown eyes have always held a secret knowing of something. Even at 6 months old, as he stared down the ridiculously solemn judge at his adoption proceeding, it was obvious to everyone in the room that BluTang was going to touch some hearts. The court clerks smiled and tried to stifle giggles while they watched BluTang zero in on the judge with a wide-eyed gaze that was not going to break until there was some kind of connection. BluTang was peaceful, but unwilling to look any other place but into the face of the man in the robe. Finally, the judge couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't maintain his distant attitude. He smiled. BluTang won.

I hope he keeps winning.